i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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