About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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