I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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