Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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