This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
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Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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