I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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