you traded sex for a burrito?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize