apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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