I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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