KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
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A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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