Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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