I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
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frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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