I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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