btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize