Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
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Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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