Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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