So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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