hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
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Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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