Screwed.edu
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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