Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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