i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
BRING THE BAGELS
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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