On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize