It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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