I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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