I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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