Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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