so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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