Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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