i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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