Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Church boner. Awkwardddd
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Less talking, more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize