I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize