We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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