and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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