allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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