I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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