Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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