Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
we should paint friendship bongs
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