As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
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my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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