dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I could fuck to npr.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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