Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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