Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize