five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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