I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize