I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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