I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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