i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize