You really coming over, don't trick.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
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There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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