He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
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Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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