You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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