God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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